Taxes Without Zaxes

March 2 marks the birthday of Theodore Geisel — better known to millions of children and former children as Doctor Seuss. That’s reason enough to celebrate. But the beloved author’s birthday is especially noteworthy this year. Archivists working at the Geisel Library have discovered an early draft of the author’s most famous classic — and it seems there’s something the book’s unnamed narrator detests even more than Green Eggs and Ham. That’s right — he hates paying taxes just as much as you do!
Slippery taxes on my boat.
Smelly taxes on my goat . . . .
Income taxes here and there.
Excise taxes everywhere!
I sure don’t like to pay my tax.
No one does! That’s just the facts!
Fortunately, our friend Sam I Am is there with a solution. You might already know what it is:
You do not like them, so you say.
Perhaps a plan can save the day.
‘Cause everybody hates to pay,
but careful planning saves you hay.
Armed with a plan, our narrator takes on the task of tackling his Form 1040. (Can you imagine how much fun Dr. Seuss had with that illustration?) And while Sam I Am can’t make paying taxes as tasty as a plateful of green eggs and ham, he can make them at least palatable:
Say, I don’t hate this tax so much!
Your careful planning saved a bunch!
So now I’m writing off my boat.
You found some credits for my goat!
And now I’m “sheltered” in the rain.
And in the dark and on a train,
and in a car and in a tree.
I’m paying so much less, I see!
I’ve stuffed my savings in a box.
I’m feeling clever like a fox!
I’ve saved enough to buy a house!
Tomorrow I’ll deduct my mouse!
I know I owe them here and there,
but planning saves me everywhere!
Your planning saved me from a jam —
Thank you! Thank you, Sam I Am!
You’ve loved Dr. Seuss since you were knee-high to a Sneetch, right? So now that you know how much he appreciates a tax plan, why on earth are you waiting for your own?